With free agency over for the Wild, team ownership will be having a team picnic to get to know each other. The festivities will take place at the vacant lot south of the nuclear plant. The Wild rented the space from The Minnesota Porn Industry. 

Nordy will be at the front greeting table handing out the Schedule of Events and name tags.  Rumors of him losing both arms to frost bite this past winter were true.  But tough shit, he volunteered for this gig so he will have to figure it out.

The day will start with games.  On the slate will be Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Ring around the rosie, and Minnesota’s favorite DUCK DUCK GREY DUCK.  Last game will be the Live Hand Grenade toss.  Losses expect to be minimal because any loss with this roster is minimal. 

Lunch will be Macaroni and Cheese, Orange Cups, and fish flavored popsicles with a hint of Uranium. 

Team highlight session will be right after lunch.  Players are asked to bring their own highlights…….if they have any.   It is recommended these are on the ice videos and no fights please.

The motivational speaker will be O.J. Simpson and his “How to beat the system” soapbox.   No one knows what the fuck that has to do with hockey.

Any person that can speak 8 different languages is asked to visit the main picnic tent as we need someone for the player introduction pink carpet walk-up.

And finally, if anybody is still here, the entertainment will be karaoke.  All songs must be sung in Japanese.

Unfortunately the GM will not be present as he scheduled an unnecessary hysterectomy because it sounded like the better option. Thank you to the Minnesota Porn Industry for the use of their video equipment.  Sorry we all kept our clothes ON!!!

Skol……ah shit.  Wrong rally cry.