Oh, hello esteemed members of the BRHL. It’s Greg (aka. Lance Uppercut) here with what I hope is going to be a fun contest. I know everyone in this league thinks they are brilliant when it comes to all things hockey. So here’s a fun little league-approved challenge I’ve put together that will allow us all to whip them out and compare sizes. Below are 30 questions to answer. Plus a bonus tie-breaker. All you have to do is answer all the questions and email me your answers. I will then create an incredibly fancy spreadsheet with everyone’s answers and we can watch in eager anticipation to see who will finish the season as the winner.

A few things to mention. These questions apply to the real-world NHL. Not our bullshit nerd league. Second, there is a cost of entry. $50,000 in BRHL bucks. With 32 teams, that leaves us with a pool of $1.6m. And the league (aka. Bryce) has graciously offered to match the pot. So if we all participate, that will be $3.2m in prizes to divvy up. We can do a prize pool of 60%/30%/10% for the top three finishers. That’s almost $2m in cash to the winner. I know. I can hear your erections from here.

Anyway, enough bullshit. Don’t be an asshole. Take part in the fun. Have all questions answered and back to me by Sunday, October 7^th by noon.

Here are the questions. Some are straight forward, some are weird. None involve dick jokes, sadly. Good luck.

Standings: (8 questions)

Stanley Cup Champion –

Eastern Conference Champion –

Western Conference Champion –

Fewest Points (aka. Worst Team) –

Most Improved Team (as determined by standings point differential in ’18 vs. ’17) - 

How many playoff games will the Toronto Maple Leafs win? -

How many points will the Edmonton Oilers finish with? –

In what place (in the Western Conference) will Las Vegas finish the regular season? -

Awards: (12 questions)

Presidents Trophy –

Conn Smythe –

Hart Trophy –

Calder Trophy –

Vezina –

Selke –

Norris –

Art Ross –

Lady Byng –

Jack Adams –

Rocket Richard –

GM of the Year -

Individual Performance: (10 questions)

Most Fighting Majors (name the player) –

First Coach Fired (none is an acceptable answer) –

Most Game Winning Goals –

Most Even Strength Goals –

Most Power Play Assists –

All-Star MVP –

How many goals will Milan Lucic score?

How many games will Brad Marchand be suspended for?

Which team will Artemi Panarin finish the 2018 season on?

How many games does Carter Hutton win?

Tiebreaker:

To the first decimal point (ex. 28.5%), what will Ryan Dzingle’s SH% be in 2018?