HERE YOU GO FUCK NUTS! LET'S FUCKEN GO!!!!

1. Alexis Lafreniere - DET: Dan will be shopping this pick till the last second. Takes the safe play. Laf busts. Dan keeps sucking.

2. Tim Stutzle - NJ: Ken takes Jimmy Stu. No brainer. I instantly offer my whole team for him. Ken dumps him later for peanuts.

3. Quinton Byfield - VGK: Joel gets Q. Unless he goes full retard and takes Askarov. We shall see. 

4. Jamie Drysdale - PIT: Toby goes to annouce the pick and passes out cuz all the blood rushed from his head to his boner. Drysdale sucks in the sim forever.

5. Anton Lundell - FLA: Irrelevant teams takes a relevant player playing for an irrelevant team. RIP

6. Yaroslav Askarov - BUF: Jared preaches some bullshit about building from the net out. Nobody cares. Good pick

7. Cole Perfetti - CGY: Cole Perfetti is a good pick here. Kevin trades him to Sumit for 3 future firsts and 12 propsetcs

8. Lucas Raymond -  SEA: Rex BPA Raymond. Hypes him up for the next 4 years. Raymond busts.

9. Alexander Holtz - NYR: A guy nobody knows drafts a player nobody knows and they live happily ever after.

10. Jake Sanderson - SEA: Rex's raging hard on for dmen comes through and Sanderson does ok but has 8 DF cuz Ottawa sucks.

11. Seth Jarvis - TB: Ferraro goes value here. The Canes fail to develop him. Ferraro cries while jerking off to his Bergevin poster

12. Marco Rossi - PIT: Toby punches air getting Rossi. Fleeces Big Al in about 2 months cuz it's the only prospect Al knows. 

13. Jack Quinn - PIT: Pens watch as the Sabres nuke Quinn's career. He ain't no Jack Eichel.

14. Conor Zary - FLA: Decent pick here. Half the league bitches that he sucks. Other half scream east coast bias. Florida remains irrelevant

15. Dylan Holloway - NSH: Sheds tries to drop some punny joke about Holloway. Nobody laughs. He dies a litte on the inside

16. Rodion Amirov - STL: Eric drafts Leafs pick, and instantly puts him on the block to watch the Hansford's slap fight each other for him

17. Dawson Mercer - CGY: Kevin makes the pick and throws him on the prospect heap. Assigns him #148 in prospect camp as there's so many guys at camp.

18. Lukas Reichel - STL: Eric accidentally makes a good pick. Bryce auto re-assigns him to Colorado in 3 years when he breaks through.

19. Tyson Foerster - PHI: Toby trades this pick for 1 of the Merkley bros and a 5th. Foerster goes on to win 4 Hart trophies

20. J-J Peterka - EDM: Leon's crystal ball voodoo drafts JJP. Steal. 3 guys get all pissed cuz they wanted him with their 3rd rounders.

21. Kaiden Guhle - FLA: I don't know who this is. Seems like he'd belong in South Florida.

22. Braden Schneider - WPG: Doc debates trading this pick for Jason Spezza. Shows up pinned at 11am. Picks from his shed.

23. Hendrix Lapierre - DET: Dan's analytics believe Lapierre is under valued. Has a Hall of fame career. Plays 0 playoff games in Detroit.

24. Mavrik Bourque - NSH: Sheds jokes about him being Ray Bourque's son. Bryce believes him. Sends him MacKinnon for Mavrik.

25. Roby Jarventi - TB: Everyone questions this pick but me and Ferraro. I try to buy Jarventi off Eric. Doesn't work.

26. Jake Neighbours -  NYR: Neighbours spends his whole career in the AHL. Ends up being the Rangers 3rd best rated player. 

27. Brendan Brisson - NYR: This is usually the point in the draft where everyone is either hammered or in bed. This pick puts the rest of us to sleep.

28. Yegor Chinakhov - VGK: Al reads China and instantly hates the pick. This guy may not even make the KHL

29. Jacob Perreault - DET: Dan thinks he outsmarts everyone with his 49 page excel sheet. Fails to realize Perreault isnt a goalie and his team sucks.

30. Shakir Mukhamadullin - BUF: Larry bitches muslims are taking all the white mans jobs. Shak leads the league in scoring.

31. Justin Barron - NYI: Blue Balls just BPA some shit. Never trades Barron. Goes on to have great ratings and lose in the finals every year

32. Thomas Bordeleau - TB: I'm over this mock draft. If you're still reading this, fuck off.