Dear Greg, how the fuck are you way down there?!  You are really making my preseason rankings look like complete shit.  Part of that goes to Steve, also.  The top team is 5-5-1...that would put them 4th in the Metro and 5th in either of the West divisions.  Queue the Herm Edward's Colts rant, please.  If you don't know it, please watch it.  Fits beautifully in this spot, right fucking here!!!  I am sure that the final standings will look much different than it does today, but holy crap is it mind boggling.

1. Detroit Red Wings (5-5-1, 11pts)

This top team has an ECHL rated goalie as it's starter and no (sigh) defenseman with a rating over 70df.  FUCKING 70df!!!  They are ranked 27th (3.36) in keeping the puck out of the net and only 12th (3.09) in goals for.  This team is probably where it's suppsed to be with their record and other stats, but that means the other 7 teams in this division are more disappointing than a black man with a micro penis.

2. Toronto Maple Leafs (5-5-1, 11pts)

This team def rerated like shit compared to last year, but they are still pretty good.  He has pretty good top 6 and decent dcore.  This team is in the bottom 3rd when it comes to offense (20th, 2.55) and defense (21st, 3.0), which is surprising to me.  Greiss is decent and this team is definately underacheiving.  They have terrible losses to terrible teams and only good win was against the underacheiving Habs.  I still think they should be a playoff team, but won't do much.  Toronto seems to be in line to rerate well for next year, so Garrett will have to wait another year.

3. Montreal Canadiens (4-6-2, 10pts)

Everything points to this team rebounding.  His forwards are deep and has decent defenseman.  He just overpaid for a rental goalie, so he better hope his team rebounds.  The Habs are 24th (2.33) in goals for and 17th (2.75) in goals against and they should both improve.  They don't have any quality wins and have some bad losses.  Is it too late to change my mind?  JK...they will do better.

4. Florida Panthers (5-5-0, 10pts)

Nothing to see here.  No goalie, no defenseman, and very average offense...wait you say they are 7th (3.4) in scoring?  Very interesting.  If it wasn't for their horrible 4.0 (31st) goals against, they could be at the top of this division!  Florida will not be able to keep up the scoring pace and fall far behind.  This team is overacheiving and be near the bottom.

5. Boston Bruins (4-4-0, 8pts)

Bruins have 2 out of 3 players from the Perfection Line to go along with Gaudreau, and Panarin?!  Damn that has to be a good team.  Having 4 studs like them gets 2.75 (16th) goals for...wait, that's it?  The team has a defense with 4 players with a df rating over 83 and the top goalie in the sim, this must be best in the league...nope, way down at 19th (2.88) goals against.  I don't know if Gregory is purposely trying to tank, but he's not helping this team win.  What's more frustrating is that he lost to the Sabres and Panthers.  It's very early, so I think he will rebound and still make it to the Conference Finals.  Figure it out, sir.

6. Buffalo Sabres (3-6-1, 7pts)

Sabres are still in a full rebuild.  GM Jared has accumulated some nice young names.  He's still at least 2 years away from making an impact with those players, though.  How the hell did he get a list of young players that rivals Kevin's?!  It's just a waiting game for him at this point.

7. Ottawa Senators (3-7-1, 7pts)

Even though his team looked as ugly as Bruce Jenner discovering himself, he was in on some free agents.  He has some decent pieces to trade at the deadline, along with a couple Avs goalies that Bryce will, undoubtably, overpay for.  He's in a full rebuild, so it's going to get ugly before it gets better.  Steph has a ton of 1st round picks to use, so let's see if he trades them because he sucks at drafting or he uses them to further delay his relevancy.

8. Tampa Bay Lightning (3-7-1, 7pts)

Tampa is a tanker and is doing a great job.  Unfortunately, they do not have much to trade at the deadline to further accelerate the process.  Tampa will be at the bottom for years to come. Not much to say here as they don't have much.  2022 draft could really help as they have 2 1sts, 3 2nds, and 2 3rds.