“Let's do it then. Festivus is back. I'll get the pole out of the crawl space.”

You’ve all been asking for it, here it is, our annual Festivus article. If you don’t know what Festivus is, you’re fired.

“Welcome, newcomers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people and now you're gonna hear about it.”

Did you guys hear about the media content producer who had to payback the money he would've earned for a year because he was prophesying falsehoods to the public? But enough about Greg.

Is Rumpy still saying Monahan > Nuge? Or has married life smartened him up a bit?

Doc must've trade raped the sim. All those wins coming out of of nowhere, the Sim is becoming self-aware of its own victim remorse.

Hey, look! A falling star. 

Hard to tell which Sheds pays less attention to, the 1990s site, or his terrible Preds.

Speaking of pricks, which anti-vaxxer in the happy, shiny, bubbly Politics channel is the most afraid of needles? And I'm not talking about the ones near their 5-hole.

Has Larry gotten offended and quit any channels today?

Looks like years of unsuccessfully going for it is catching Rich. He’s the template Dubas has been working off of clearly. Except Rich has more success.

Devon has stated that this is his final rebuild. He's going to build a team and stick with it. And if you want me to believe that I'll need whatever piss water Anthony is selling nowadays.

Remember when Jared didn’t have a smart phone? My goodness were we missing out. Now if only his team was as relevant as he is.

Here's a riddle for you: What's the difference between Miika and PJ? Answer: No one will ever know.

Is Eric tired yet from repushing buttons to make sure he wins? We’re over 12 months of this now.

How come none of you amateurs made a Pat Summitt joke about that lesbian couple in California running the Sharks? You all disappoint me.

If only Ken could GM as well as he cooks

I wonder how the skiing is in Utah for Big Al.

Dave continues his slide to the basement, wonder if he calls Dave in to fix it.

Can we please go back to when Bryce was the most active Shuck on Slack. Nothing against the person who identifies as Rex. That is unless you're not a fan of liberal hippies who change their nouns and are afraid to be themselves.

WTF is Anthony doing near the top of the East? How did this happn, is it that terrible?

Did I blink and miss that Dan made the Red Wings relevant again? I don't know that there's even a joke here. That's just surprising.

Is Greg blaming the sim again for his tire fire of a team?

Is that Kyler Murray over there? No, my mistake, that's the Penguins GM Toby. Nice of Toby to take a break from Call of Duty to read this. If only he put that type of dedication into building a decent team.

Sober Tyler is quietly getting better, the east is about to see a transformation in upcoming years as the has-beens overtake the shitty teams that never won anything like Montreal