Part 1 of my series, where I remind everyone, you're not as good as you think you are. So sit, read it, or don't, I don't give a fuck.

Part 1 is the dumpster fire that is the Atlantic. Enjoy

Boston: You can’t decide if you’re tanking or going for it. Flip flopping every few weeks. And now you suck. With good players. and no draft picks. Congrats, you played yourself. 

Buffalo: You’re single handedly supporting Carey Price’s coke problems and somehow through all your mediocrity, your team is in a playoff spot so you fuck up your draft slot. Congrats, you played yourself. 

Detroit: All the talent in the world yet no clear superstar to lead them. Lots of UFA’s walking out the door when your team is lined up to be better next season. Congrats, you played yourself. 

Florida: Almost forgot you were here. Hoarding 800 prospects isn’t working. You’re like the band of misfit prospects. Good thing you don’t own your 1st for the next 2 years. Congrats, you played yourself. 

Montreal: Best special teams stats in the league and yet out of the playoffs. No picks and no prospects. A+. Can't wait to watch you panic sell and rape some Canucks fan for Horvat. Congrats, you played yourself. 

Ottawa: Wasting Leon Draisaitl’s prime. Heard that script before. Too lazy to scout so just trade all the picks. And yet no depth or talent. Congrats, you played yourself. 

Tampa Bay: Trying to be terrible hasn’t worked. Traded your 2024 1st, but not enough talent to make the playoffs. You’re in no man’s land. Congrats, you played yourself. 

Toronto: All your years of asking ridiculous prices has got you here. Where everyone’s in their primes and yet you’re still a bridesmaid. Keep posting the same garbage trade block. Congrats, you played yourself.